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Extended Essay: Exemplar Commentary |
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Subject |
Environmental systems and societies |
If applicable, theme for WSEE |
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If applicable, category for language essays |
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If applicable, subjects used for WSEE |
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Title of essay |
Human-elephant conflict in the wildlife corridors of Northern Tanzania |
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Essay number |
A |
Examination session |
May 2016 |
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Assessment of extended essay |
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Criteria |
Mark awarded |
Commentary |
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A: Focus and method [6] |
5 |
Explains clearly the research topic and its purpose. The research question is discussed throughout the essay. It uses relevant sources but could have provided more information on the selection of the sources. |
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B: Knowledge and understanding [6] |
5 |
Shows excellent knowledge and understanding of the topic The use of terminology and concepts are accurate and consistent Essay would benefit with more evaluation of the findings and comments on the sources reliability. |
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C: Critical thinking [12] |
9 |
Shows systems and social links and is sensitive about local communities Candidate should have manipulated more the data from different sources |
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D: Presentation [4] |
2 |
Layout and quality of graphic material could be improved. Some inconsistencies in text citations Under the new requirements this essay must be referred as a possible case of academic misconduct due to incorrect and inconsistent citing and referencing. |
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E: Engagement [6] (not included) |
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The assessment of an accompanying RPPF will affect the overall mark awarded and the grade achieved. |
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Total marks awarded |
21/28 |
Candidate selected a topic that is very original and practical for the environmental systems subject. Interesting essay that approaches the issue in a neutral way. The selection of the topic and the whole approach is very relevant to the subject. It presents large amount of relevant data and produces interesting arguments. Please note: as a result of modifying existing extended essays for illustrative purposes, not all exemplars have an accompanying RPPF for assessment under criterion E (this is a mandatory element for all essays as of 2018). As a result this essay has been marked out of 28 rather than 34. |
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Extended Essay: Exemplar Commentary |
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Subject |
Environmental systems and societies |
If applicable, theme for WSEE |
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If applicable, category for language essays |
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If applicable, subjects used for WSEE |
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Title of essay |
The implications on the environment of mass producing meat |
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Essay number |
B |
Examination session |
May 2016 |
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Assessment of extended essay |
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Criteria |
Mark awarded |
Commentary |
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A: Focus and method [6] |
2 |
Explains clearly the research topic and its purpose. The topic and research question are clearly identified but it is too broad in scope to be treated effectively. There is limited discussion of the research question and the sources cited in the essay are very limited. |
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B: Knowledge and understanding [6] |
2 |
The sources used are relevant to the topic but insufficient. The knowledge of the topic is mainly descriptive and opinionated. There is a very limited usage of terminology and concepts and the candidate shows restricted understanding. |
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C: Critical thinking [12] |
3 |
There is some research applied to the research question but is very limited. The analysis is very superficial and affirmations are made without substantiation. An argument is cited but is narrative in nature. The final conclusion is consistent with the argument but not inadequate evidences are presented. |
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D: Presentation [4] |
2 |
Layout and quality of graphic material could be improved. It is very short and lacks graphic information but the structure of the essay is acceptable. There are some errors in the layout but do not affect the understanding of the essay. |
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E: Engagement [6] (not included) |
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The assessment of an accompanying RPPF will affect the overall mark awarded and the grade achieved. |
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Total marks awarded |
9/28 |
Very simplistic and short essay. It is been presented as an extended review on the subject of meat production and the environment. Lacks on scientific approach and depth of discussion. The style is very journalistic without analysis or discussion of data. Please note: as a result of modifying existing extended essays for illustrative purposes, not all exemplars have an accompanying RPPF for assessment under criterion E (this is a mandatory element for all essays as of 2018). As a result this essay has been marked out of 28 rather than 34. |
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Extended Essay: Exemplar Commentary |
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Subject |
Environmental systems and societies |
If applicable, theme for WSEE |
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If applicable, category for language essays |
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If applicable, subjects used for WSEE |
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Title of essay |
Humans and climate change |
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Essay number |
C |
Examination session |
May 2016 |
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Assessment of extended essay |
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Criteria |
Mark awarded |
Commentary |
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A: Focus and method [6] |
3 |
The research question is explained and the purpose of the research is clear and well explained but unfortunately the methodology and sources are very limited. |
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B: Knowledge and understanding [6] |
4 |
The candidate shows some knowledge and how the research question relates to the subject area. Use of terminology and concepts is mostly accurate but very limited. However, the communication style sometimes is too journalistic and less scientific |
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C: Critical thinking [12] |
6 |
The candidate recognizes the complexity of this topic (anthropogenic influences in climate change) and makes an effort to be review several perspectives. The analysis of the data is partially relevant to the research question but the conclusions are only partially supported by the evidence. The candidate has done some evaluation of the research and makes clear attempts to be a critical thinker. |
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D: Presentation [4] |
3 |
The structure of the essay is clear and appropriate. However, the presentation of illustrations and graphs could be improved. Under the new guidelines the candidate should only list the references that are cited on the text (not the ones consulted). |
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E: Engagement [6] |
4 |
Some good insights shown and reflections made. Positive engagement with the subject area. |
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Total marks awarded |
20/34 |
The candidate selected a very interesting topic (humans and climate change) but has a research question very difficult to answer in the scope of an extended essay. The candidate was able to select data and carry out some mathematical analysis. The quality of the discussion and analysis is limited but shows independent thinking.
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